Do you have relationship goals?
I believe that relationship goals are shared goals set by two individuals who plan to accomplish them together in hopes of improving their relationship. They may begin as expectations, but when they are shared openly, they can become goals. Therefore, individual hopes become aspirations that both parties are working toward together instead of things that only one person is hoping for in the relationship.
Antoine and I recently celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary and we created a list of short and long term relationship goals. I must admit, it was really enjoyable and fun. It isn’t complete yet, but I wanted to give you a sample of what it looks like for reference.
Sometimes relationship goals are set without being aware. They could be minor things like going to a certain restaurant or spending a holiday together. Some goals are set even before entering a relationship. How about wanting to get married and have children? These are personal goals that are in our subconscious minds from childhood. I’ve heard so many ladies say they’ve always wanted a certain type of wedding or a certain amount of children. Among all the goals we set for ourselves, these are some of the greatest and most rewarding when reached. Relationship goals may look a lot like personal goals. The difference is that they have been discussed and agreed upon with your partner. It takes effort on both parts to keep a marriage/relationship growing strong. In any partnership, it’s good to set goals together so you can be sure you are headed in the same direction as your partner.
Setting goals together can also help with communication. Letting your partner know where you would like the relationship to go is very helpful, not only to them, but it saves you the disappointment of finding out later that you are not on the same page. Disappointment can be frustrating and stressful, which can lead to other issues. So get your pen and paper out, grab your partner and start working on your list!
Personal goals are the goals that you have set for yourself. The process of achieving these goals does not include or require your partner. Sometimes your goals as a single person change once you become involved in a relationship. You could have a ton of personal goals, some easily attainable and others, not so much. If you feel that you want to get married after 2 years of dating the same person, that is a personal goal until you let it be known to your partner. They may or may not agree on your time frame, but it opens the door for communication. Try to keep personal goals separate from relationship goals and remember it’s not a relationship goal if your partner is unaware of it. That brings me to the next topic, expectations.
Expectations can be tricky. Something that feels like the norm to you, may not be so familiar to your partner. Honesty, loyalty and love seem to be staple expectations in any relationship, but that may not always be the case. It all depends on what your partner is used to and how they perceive themselves. There could be different reasons why the other person may not be able to fulfill your expectations, one simply being, they just aren’t the one. It’s good to have expectations to a certain extent, nothing is wrong with knowing what you want. However, once you discover they are not being met, it may be time to move on.
After being in a relationship for a while, one could start to expect certain things to just happen. For example, let’s say you’re coming up on your 2nd or 3rd year anniversary, you may expect your partner to get you exactly what you want:-) I mean, especially since you’ve been hinting for the past 3 months how much you like the Nintendo DS Lite with the Brain Games’ game to go with it. Making sure to point it out to him each time you saw it in the store and even told him what color you like. What a surprise when your husband comes rolling through the door with a Nintendo WII instead, so happy and proud to tell you that he upgraded what you wanted…womp womp…but I digress. (You see what I did there?:-)) So, the lesson in having expectations, is to be clear, don’t hint around. Tell the person straight way what you want and expect from them! If they get it wrong after that, then you can let them have it!
I joke, but in seriousness, if I tell my husband what I expect from him, I have to be prepared to hear what he expects from me. I also have to be willing to fulfill his expectations. It’s only fair to do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Do you have any relationship goals? Are you planning to make a list with your partner? I love hearing from you, leave your comments below! As always, thanks for reading! Checkout some of my other articles about love and relationships by clicking here.